Over the past month I have been suffering from the sensation of vertigo. In case you don’t know, vertigo is the sensation of feeling dizzy. It is much worse than merely being lightheaded (a sensation that I have felt on a number of occasions as well). It literally feels like the world is spinning around you or that you body is being pulled to one side or in my case a combination of the two. Most of the time when I have these “attacks they are rather short lived, but this last month they have been intensifying and lasting longer with each attack. This past Saturday night the attack started around 9:30 at night. I took some Dramamine in hopes of aiding in the intense nausea I was feeling (as well as putting me to sleep). The spinning sensation lasted until about 7:15 the next morning. I woke up several times in the middle of the night feeling like I was being tossed from the bed. The rest of Sunday morning was seemingly going just fine. That is, until our song services began. I couldn’t shake that spinning sensation. They continued to intensify to the point that I couldn’t stand in the pulpit when it became time to preach that morning’s sermon. It was a humiliating experience. I wanted to be there. I was wanting to serve God. My body was keeping me from it. As I was helped to a pew I was hit with yet another sensation. Fear. The fear that this wouldn’t go away. Panic set in and I had to get outside. I wanted to cry. It wasn’t fair. I have been working so hard to fix my health problems (obesity caused health problems) and how I have a new health condition that every doctor told me I can’t do anything about it but wait until by brain recalibrates.
I no longer just had the sensation of spinning out of control. I now felt like my world is spinning out of control and there was no way to stop it. Feeling like you have no control of your life is a very scary thing indeed. Millions of people with anxiety disorders suffer from that very condition. It suffocates them, it overwhelms them and leaves them feeling helpless.
Believe it or not this is where God comes in. To feel overwhelmed and to feel like your world is spinning out of control is not a new sensation. Many “God fearing people” have had that feeling. Elijah was so overcome by worry and trials and tribulations that he felt it was better to die than to continue feeling that way in I Kings 19. David once wrote, “Have mercy upon me, O LORD; for I am weak: O LORD, heal me; for my bones are vexed (Psa. 6:2).” According to Strong’s Dictionary of Bible Words, vexed means “to be alarmed or agitated.” Inward parts feel just that way when I am under a vertigo attack or feeling panic stricken. David, while feeling that way, cried out asking for mercy. Asking God to heal him. My doctors don’t have a solution, but my God does. He promised Paul that in our weaknesses is where he is made strong (II Cor. 12:9). I will trust that God will be strong in me. And if I must suffer many more days with this feeling of spinning out of control I will trust in God to give me whatever I need to get through these difficult days. He will have mercy on me and all that call and trust upon him!