This month has been incredibly busy. We started off with a gospel meeting with Rennie Frazier. He did a phenomenal job for us. The lessons were so uplifting, inspiring and encouraging. The following week, my family left for our annual vacation to Robber’s Cave. After camp broke, we headed to my in-laws were we left my wife until this past Lord’s Day. Playing Mr. Mom for seven days was exhausting. All you single moms and dad out there; I don’t know how you do it. I barely slept. I felt like I got no work done and I felt like all I did was walk behind the kids cleaning up their latest messes. And by Thursday morning I caught the cold the younger two had. I already wasn’t sleeping and I added restless sleep to that as I was completely congested and coughing all night. By Sunday night all I could think about was having Dawn back home. She really is the glue behind our family. Without her, everything was falling apart. Sure, the kids were dressed, fed, schooled, well slept, and taken care of. Dad however was not. Another week or two of that schedule and I wouldn’t be able to move. Moms really are superheroes.
But, you know what, even if your wife isn’t the superhero. Even if your wife isn’t the glue that holds the house together, you are still supposed to love her. “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself up for it; that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the church to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. Even so ought husbands also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He that loves his own wife loves himself: for no man ever hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ also the church; because we are members of his body. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the twain shall become one flesh (Eph 5:25-31).” Where in this passage does it say that we get a right to say, “I don’t have to love her when she does ____________.” Where in this passage does it say we husbands have the right to say, “ I don’t have to love her if she refuses to _______________.” It doesn’t. There is no disclaimer given, there are no prerequisites are wives must do in order for our love to be made manifest.
I want you to consider this for a moment. Husbands you see your wives at their bests. You see those self-less moments that reminded you why you wanted to marry her. For many though that idealized version of our wives gets ruined when we see her at her worst. And husbands we do see her at her worst. We see her when she is two weeks over do, tired, worn out, grumpy, and more than anything desires for that pregnancy to be over. We see her when she is at her wits end with the kids. We see her when she sins against us. (Perhaps she loses her temper, or says something disrespectful to be spiteful, or some other myriad of things our wives could do to us. Do you know what you are supposed to do? Consider what Jesus did. “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself up for it; that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the church to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish (Eph. 5:25-27).” Jesus saw his bride at her worst. He saw all of her sins. He saw the lying, the cheating, the unfaithfulness, the arrogance, the backbiting, the gossiping, etc. He saw it all. And he loved her anyways. He died so that she could be spotless, blameless or any such thing. He loved her so much he gave to her what she needed to be better. To be beautiful. Husbands are we loving our wives that way? Do we look at her shortcoming and feel the need to vent to the guys, our moms? Or do we look at those shortcomings and ask ourselves, “what can I do to help her be better.”
The truth is gentlemen we need to ask ourselves some very important questions about our wives.
- If your wife more like Christ since you got married?
- If she more like Christ because of you or despite you?
- Has her faith shrunk in the years since you said, “I do?”
- Am I holding her back, stunting her growth? Or do am I water to the Lord’s seed?
- Is she a better woman since marrying me? A better friend? Better “mom” material?
- If you are truly concerned about her soul, then what are you doing about it?